I have loved this quote since the first time I saw it, and the talk that President Monson gave at the priesthood session of conference in April 2011 is SO good.
You can find it here.
Sometimes in a marriage we have up's and downs and we all know that the divorce rate is completely out of control. Obviously we all have our own problems in marriage but the thing is we ALL have problems. I have never seen the reason marriages fail put so perfectly into words until today when I saw this picture with the attached story on facebook...
During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?"
The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind
replied the author.
Here's the answer.
Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you
fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls,
want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.
Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you
may begin to desire that experience with someone
else. This is when relationships breakdown.
The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.
People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.
Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.
Because (listen carefully to this):
The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know
WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.
Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.
Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.
The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind
replied the author.
Here's the answer.
Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you
fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls,
want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.
Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you
may begin to desire that experience with someone
else. This is when relationships breakdown.
The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.
People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.
Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.
Because (listen carefully to this):
The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know
WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.
Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.
Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.
WOW. Right?
I put my favorite parts in bold if you're not up for reading the whole thing but this is EXACTLY the same message President Monson was trying to get across.
Personally I have found that when I am finding fault then I need to figure out how to fix myself not my husband. For me service is the best medicine for selfishness and the easiest way to love someone more.
I know it is so much easier to find fault with someone else but the only person we can change is ourselves.
"If any of you are having difficulty in your marriage, I urge you to do all that you can to make whatever repairs are necessary, that you might be as happy as you were when your marriage started out....I realize that there are situations where marriages cannot be saved, but I feel strongly that for the most part they can be and should be. Do not let your marriage get to the point where it is in jeopardy."
-Thomas S. Monson
“Being happily and successfully married is generally not so much a matter of marrying the right person as it is being the right person. The conscious effort to do one’s part fully is the greatest element contributing to success.”
-Howard W. Hunter
AMEN! I know SO many people getting divorced right now; the young ones always surprise and shock me. Of course, it's not our place to judge, and you did a great job conveying that in your post! The only word to describe how I feel when I hear about another divorce is SORROW. When I went through everything after Nathan was born, the PTSD and anxiety completely changed my personality. I will never forget the admiration I felt (and still feel) that my sweet husband held on, came to my counseling sessions with me, got advice and counsel for himself, and helped me work on things. I am not at all the same person he married, and he could have walked away at that point if he didn't want to put in the work. Our relationship is completely different now, but it's also better. It's WORTH the work!!
ReplyDeletewow, i loved this SO MUCH. thanks for sharing. I have that first quote by President Monson hanging above our bed, i love it.
ReplyDeletealso, i might steal this from you. :)
Hi Nicole! Just hopped over to your blog and had fun looking around for a bit! My Drew is just a year older than your Kellen but your family is adorable! Anyway, I loved this post. I would definitely say that Derek and have had had a great 10 years together because we haven't tried to 'fix' each other. We cherish and respect each other and have become best friends. I hope you'll stop by my blog and follow me as I can always use more fellow momma followers, especially those who have kids a bit older than my Drew. I'm that type of momma that loves advice from other mommas. :) Have a great Thursday Nicole!
ReplyDeleteStella and Dot Earrings Giveaway!
My little guy is a little behind yours...he will be a year old in June. Such cute pics of your fam! That wedding pic is goorrgeous!
ReplyDelete