Drew Calvin

our new addition to the family arrived three weeks ago today! 

here's how things went bringing this little guy into the world....

at my appointment on march 17th I was a few days over 38 weeks. my doctor had previously told me that he would be leaving the day i turned 39 weeks for spring break...meaning he couldn't induce me like originally planned. so we set up an appointment for monday the 24th with the doctor on call that day. . well on thursday that week my mother in law (who works at the hospital in burley) ran into the doctor who delivered emma and he told her that he was on call for the weekend and would be happy to start things on saturday morning for me. i was beyond excited because this meant i could attend cheer state with my squad on friday and we could have this little guy a few days before trevor had to start his new rotation instead of the day before AND i actually knew the doctor. 

so saturday morning we checked in around 7:30 and started the pitocin at 8:30. the nurse warned me that the anesthesiologist would take 30 minutes to get there once we called him so give her plenty of time. honestly i can't remember if the doc broke my water before or after the meds started but i was already at a 3 going into the whole thing.  i distinctly remember having the thought at 9:00, "hm. maybe i should call for the epidural now since it will take a while to get here" then i brushed it off because the contractions were pretty mild still. at 9:30 things were moving along and i told the nurse to call for the epidural. by 9:45 I just couldn't take things anymore and told the nurse i needed something NOW. thankfully that medicine helped but only for about 10-15 minutes. Finally the epidural go there a little after 10 and he did his thing. Well, the epidural wasn't working and i could still feel my legs and move them as well as feel as the AWFUL back labor (i didn't even feel any cramps in the front. it was so weird). the anesthesiologist had me roll over and try to check things out and the nurse decided they should check my progress since i was in so much pain. well lo and behold i was already at a 10 and ready to go. except i wasn't really ready because i was scared out of my mind about the pain. 

after about 3 rounds of pushing little man was here at 10:23am. 

let me just give a shout out to all those who give birth without an epidural because it was honestly the most awful thing i have EVER experienced and i don't wish that pain on my worst enemy. just saying. it is SO not for me....and if i were told i had to do it that way with any more children that may follow...i wouldn't have anymore. i may or may not have shed a few tears and said a few "choice" words while delivering him. thankfully trevor was there to apologize for me :)

dispite little drew's hurry to get here, we love him so much and couldn't imagine our family without him! life with three is surprisingly good. i think i had myself prepared for the worst because everyone says transitioning to three is the hardest of all but i guess i have just been really blessed so far.  

pictures i took at 3 days old...

 in the hospital!!

maternity pictures

everyone's all setting their new years resolutions and "get skinny" workout plans for the month year and i'm just sitting over here like, "how much can i shove in my mouth for the next three months before reality hits." 

honestly though, just this past week i have hit the point where i feel HUGE. usually this feeling doesn't set in until about a month before my due date, but obviously with the third kid things happen faster. and apparently on the other side of it all, things happen slower. great. 

so lets just look back on a few weeks ago when i didn't feel quite so large and actually had the confidence to take maternity pictures. because let's face it, those days are over and my pajamas seem to be the only thing i can stand to wear these days. 

a HUGE shout out to my sister in law Chelsey Sloop who took these pictures on a seriously bitter cold day at shawnee mission park. so if you live around Kansas City and want her info for maternity, newborn, senior, or family pictures or to check out her work just click on her name above to link to her facebook page!

26 weeks with baby #3

an unexpected loss...

for me writing clears my mind. hopefully my story will help others see they aren't alone.

i scheduled my 12 week apointment early at 8 am so i could wake up and go down to pocatello before the kids even woke up and be back home just in time for breakfast. 

just another check up is what i thought.
no big deal. 

the doctor did his normal check up things and got to the point of listening to the heart beat. after searching for a few minutes he asked if i was certain of my last menstrual cycle. i said no because i had my IUD removed in december and got pregnant right away. he said he would finish things up and go get the ultrasound machine.
the only thought i had was hmmm, maybe i'm not as far along as we thought.
no big deal.
next came the ultrasound and i got to see our little "bean" baby.
but still no heart beat.
the doctor said he was going to send me over to the ultrasound lab because his machine is older and not as accurate.

i said, "okay it's fine...as long as it's still alive."

he said, "that's the thing, i don't think there is a heart beat at all."

my heart sunk and it took everything inside me to hold back the tears.
this was a big deal.
i hadn't had one single symptom of a miscarriage except the loss of pregnancy symptoms...just nausea which is supposed to be going away by now!

second ultrasound. same results.
no holding back the tears.

i had what was called a miss miscarriage with no signs. The baby had stopped developing around 9-10 weeks and i had NO idea.

my 25 minute drive home alone was the worst.

i'm not the kind of person who thinks "why does this have to happen to me" but yet i still can't help feeling a huge loss. just when i think i'm over it and i'm not going to cry anymore, something sets it off again.
i have read quite a few stories before about other people having miscarriages but i never thought it would be this hard.

sometimes we think we have all these grand plans and everything mapped out in life just to get things turned upside down when we least expect it. kinda a theme so far for my family in 2013 and i just joined in.

life is hard and trials are a part of it. i am thankful for my family and priesthood blessings. i know Heavenly Father has a plan for our family and things will work out exactly how they should.

because i haven't had the actual miscarriage part, technically i am still "pregnant".
surgery is scheduled for thursday to completely remove everything.